Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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