We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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