My room smells like vodka and shame
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I checked into jail on foursquare
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
