You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
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