I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
