I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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