He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
