he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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