Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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