Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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