My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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