he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
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