If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
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Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
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Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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