is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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