I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Randomize