that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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