why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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