Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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