the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
People With No Siblings Will Never Understand These 23 Things
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
25 Seemingly Normal Things That Give Some People Massive Anxiety
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon