So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
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i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
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I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later