the vacuum is drunk
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.