talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life