so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
singing on the bus should be illegal
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂