I skipped work to stalk him.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Randomize