I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
