i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
