I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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