How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
