"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
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