I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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