I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
