i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
