I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
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2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
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This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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