you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
