Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
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