This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize