Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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