The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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