i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
tell your sister to shave her snatch
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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