Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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