Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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