I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
