It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
