I'm gonna have a badass scar
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
