If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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