a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
