i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
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