Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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