I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I forgot wine drunk hurts
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
