K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
