ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
