false alarm. still invincible.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
