that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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