I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
