you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I just want nice things and good sex
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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