you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
