We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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