i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
