How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
