we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
