Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
