We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Someone signed my nipple.
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