this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
