we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
