i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
