remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i think i have two assholes
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Randomize
