Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
