I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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