The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
