i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
