You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
