Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
We named our party play list daddy issues
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
